Identity on ABM: Who are you?

By Gemma Jacob

Take away the beautiful performances, the resounding truth of the words being spoken, the perfection of the images on the screen, and Anyone But Me still stands apart from anything I’ve seen on screen in recent years. The reason is simple; its story of trying to understand who you are when everything around you is changing is universal and timeless. It transcends age limits and goes beyond any geographical boundaries.

Every time you enter a new circle of friends you are Vivian unsure of just how much of yourself you are allowed to be. Whenever you are uncertain of your role you are Gabe trying to understand who you are now that you cannot define yourself as you once did. When it feels like someone you love is leading a life you are no longer a big part of you are Aster trying not to be afraid that things are changing.

There is not a single person who has not felt the same as one of the characters in ABM at some point in their lives. That we are able to identify with the stories being told, no matter whom we are and how little we resemble the actual characters, is the show’s greatest strength and source of its mass appeal. That I identify most with Archibald and Gabe, the young African-American comic book artist and the retired white middle-aged former Fire Fighter attests to this. They are probably not who many most would assume I found affinity with since I am far from any of those things, well perhaps there is the comic book thing we share.

I understand why Archibald does not feel the need to have to explain everything, like his friendship with Vivian. I appreciate that whilst he is trying to stay away from trouble and has had to turn a blind eye that does not mean he will allow it to be a part of his life. I see myself in him when he turns away from Elisabeth expecting her to know what it is she has done rather than having me explain it. We demand a lot from those we care about and we are hurt when we think they are not the person we believe them to have been.

I feel the change in responsibility and the affect this has on who you are that Gabe must feel, no longer the person bringing the paycheque to support his family and provide for them. Though the situation is reversed, what we do undoubtedly makes up a large part of who we are, or at the very least, how we see ourselves. Away from his friends and the job he identified with for so long the only role Gabe has left is that of Vivian’s father. When Jodie challenges him over keeping Vivian’s sexuality a secret I understand why he becomes defensive. Having someone try to make their own place in a relationship already so established is hard, and as much as you may want to include that person a part of you recoils at the intrusion.

I love ABM because it shows me that I am not the only one who doesn’t know who to be all of the time. In one of the first promos I saw for ABM Vivian is sat on the train between Westchester and New York, we see Vivian going through the same dilemma we have all been faced with. We are a different person to many different people, but who are we?

The stories of ABM are our stories. It doesn’t matter that we may not be teenage girls having lives picked up and moved to the suburbs or high school quarterbacks who are still in love with the girl we never should have let go of. We are human, and as such no matter where we are in the world we know what it is to feel alone, to be scared at how much things are changing, to want to cling onto everything we know when things are moving too fast.

We learn through the stories of ABM that we are who we are. Different to everyone we know. The best friend to the new girl in school. The mother figure to the young niece now living in your home. The girl up on the stage trying to prove she’s good enough to be noticed. But in each relationship we form, the intrinsic truth of what we are remains; because in the end, none of us can be anyone but ourselves.