With a repuation as one of the more geekier and studious members of ABM’s cast, much was expected of Rachael Hip-Flores when she finally sat down to test whether she knew her ABM. Amongst fears that she would study for her challenge it was decided that she would not know in advance that she would be facing her ABM Mastermind questions. So, having surprised me I thought it was only fair to surprise her back.

I must, in the interest of fairness, preface this by saying that when Rachael sat down to answer her questions it was in the presence of Tina Cesa Ward and Susan Miller. Some may think that’s an unfair advantage, they could be right, but having the show’s writers watching you take a test about their show can’t be the easiest thing to do.

1. Which book does Aster quote in her second session with Dr Glass?
It was the best of times it was the worst of times…A Tale of Two Cities.

√ Correct. A Tale of Two Cities.

2. What is Elisabeth’s surname?

Rachael: Crap. I know this. Matthews?
Susan: That’s a good question.
Rachael: They all have last names don’t they.
Gem: They do. So do you.

√ Correct. Matthews.

3. How many times does Aster change clothes before she and Vivian go out in ep4 of S1 (not including the outfit she finally ends up in, or the bra and knickers she starts in)?

Rachael: I think it’s two. Not including the outfit she ends up in.
Tina: You know, I don’t know why, that question came to my brain and I thought that you would ask that.
Rachael: It’s either two or three. Alright wait wait wait.
Tina: I know it. I know it.
Rachael: It’s…coz the reaction is um I don’t know. Crap it’s either two or three. I can’t remember how many reactions I had. Okay I’m gonna go with three. I thought it was two because I remember I had two lines but then there was one that maybe happened at the end where I didn’t have a reaction to it.
Tina: *laughs*
Rachael: I memorise my lines, what do you want?

√ Correct. Three. The red dress, the top with the plunging neckline, and the white vest and black waistcoat (or white tank top and black vest to the Americans).

4. What was Archibald’s six word memoir?

Rachael: Um…crap it was like, ‘Obama in the house’ and then it was a picture. Six words. Wait. Obama…in the White House. No. Can I get a half a point for that? It ends with a picture of Obama and it has something to do with him, Obama gets in the house? Don’t look at me like that!
Susan: You’re almost there, you’re almost there. Second word.
Tina: Okay no help. I didn’t get help.
Rachael: I can get half a point for that. Give me half a point for that.
Susan: The second word, now think about it that’s where you’re wrong.
Tina: Shutup!
Rachael: Obama…I’m sorry. Alright. In the house…Obama, is four. And then there’s…Obama gets in the house, Obama lives in the house, Obama enters the house, Obama…I got nothing. Give me at least three quarters of a point there.
Susan: It was good.
Rachael: It’s pretty good.

√ Correct. Half a point. Obama was in the house (picture of Obama).

5. Which painter does Aster refuse to share her opinions about in the finale of Season One?
Matisse.

√ Correct. Matisse.

6. Jonathan mentions five artists on his playlist, name two of them:

Rachael: Oh crap! 50 Cent. Fitty cent. Um. Oh my god. Eminem? I remember 50 Cent is one of them.
Gem: Are you done?
Rachael: Am I done?
Gem: Yeah, is that it?
Rachael: Obama gets in the house. Obama…
Gem: Not that one, the other one.
Rachael: 50 Cent and…
Gem: Take your time.
Rachael: Black Eyed Peas? If I name three can I make up for the other points? Alright I’m done.

√ Correct. Half a point. 50 Cent, Bob Marley – Three Little Birds, Ludacris, Jay-Z, Nas.

7. What does Aster promise Vivian during their wedding vows?

Rachael: I promise to…Aster promises Vivian. I promise to graduate and get a job so I can take care of you, or at least graduate was at least one of them. I think there was something before that too because she says something and then I say something and then she says something.
Susan: But you don’t want every single…?
Gem: No I want the whole thing.
Susan: You want the whole thing? Every thing? Oh my god.
Gem: I want her vows.
Rachael: Oh come on!
Tina: *laughs*
Rachael: That’s not fair! Well alright that was at least half of it.
Susan: She lead it off right?
Rachael: Yeah she lead it off and then I said, ‘I promise to grow up with you.’ That killed me and I loved that line. Thank you.
Susan: Okay.
Rachael: Oh I promise to let you be who you are or who I am with you. Uh…I promise to…I think it was something like, ‘Let you be…’ Alright I’ve got at least one half. That’s three quarters of one point.
Susan: That’s close though. That’s really good. I don’t even remember it.

√ Correct. Half a point. I promise to be yours, and to be myself. I promise not to skip school so I can graduate and get a job and take care of you, or anyway graduate.

8. Name two of the jobs Gabe says he is going for when Jodie is helping him prepare for a job interview:

Rachael: Cab driver and uh she says it’s the IHOP, she has the IHOP line. Oh no but he’s actually going into, yes he is applying for  the IHOP job and she says it’s great if you want to be a fireman at IHOP. So the IHOP job and the cab driver. (Pause – I think there may have been looks from Tina and Susan at this point) Right? Isn’t he applying to be a…there’s something about IHOP in there!
Tina: *laughs*
Gem: There’s something about IHOP in there.
Susan: Yes she makes a funny line.
Rachael: No she does make a funny line.
Susan: There’s something else. Couple of things.
Rachael: Cab driver, oh cab dispatcher. Sorry, um bartender. No, no that was in the other…okay, cool. That was the other job. No but he did mention that in episode ten.
Tina: Episode nine.
Rachael: Episode ten…maybe not episode ten. Episode nine. Sorry, you’re right.
Susan: A couple of possibles. How many did you ask?
Rachael: Two of them. Alright cab dispatcher is definitely one of them. And then…
Tina: Gem let’s make sure we preface this with, ‘Rachael was sitting at the table with people that were giving her help unlike the one person who was sitting alone at a computer answering questions.’
Rachael: I’m not sure that what’s going on here qualifies as help. It’s mostly –
Tina: Well us looking at you like, ‘What?!?! That’s not right.’
Rachael: Well I suppose but it’s also very, you know, it’s throwing me off.
Tina: Alright then we’ll shutup.
Rachael: Alright cab dispatcher. Bartender is one of them in a different episode. I know Jodie says something about if you wanna be a fireman in the International House of Pancakes coz he’s only saying he can do like all the fireman things. He’s fixing a radio at the time.
Tina: Thanks to charades.
Gem: You have the right scene.
Rachael: Thanks to charades I know exactly what scene I’m talking about. I can tell you what comes before and after that scene. Alright I’m going to come back to that one.

√ Correct. A cab driver, a dispatcher, a test marketer, a phone book deliverer, private detective.

9. Name the song and the artist that plays over the credits of the Season 1 finale:

Rachael: It’s not ‘Make a Name for Me and You’ coz that happens, that happens later. Pass.
Susan: Oh come on.
Rachael: I’m sorry.
Susan: The artist, at least name the artist.
Tina: At least get a half a point out of it.
Susan: Yeah.
Rachael: It’s Rachel Cantu! Rachel Cantu.
Susan: But wait I want to give you one more –
Tina: No!
Rachael: It’s probably on the CD.
Susan: I want to have her think about the action –
Tina: No!
Rachael: It’s not gonna help.
Susan: Alright.
Rachael: I’m really bad at music.

√ Correct. Half a point. “We’re the Rebels” – Rachel Cantu.

10. How tall is Nicole Pacent?
Nicole Pacent is, I believe, five foot one, maybe five feet, five foot one when in…in…when she’s standing up very straight. Um. Five and a half, five foot and a half inch. Let’s split the difference. She’s pint-sized. Snack size. Fun size.

X The correct answer is five foot. On the dot (confirmed by Ms. Pacent herself).

Rachael: Alright so which are the ones that I have to come back to?
Gem: The song.
Rachael: No, no, no that wasn’t it.
Gem: Gabe’s jobs.
Rachael: Gabe’s jobs. (Thoughtful pause) I got nothing. I’m sorry. I’ve got the two writers staring at me here. Come on there was a lot that I got right.
Susan: Yeah.
Rachael: I don’t think I beat Tina though.
Gem: We shall see.
Rachael: You mean I don’t get my score?
Gem: No.
Rachael: Oh come on!

Rachael didn’t quite manage to best Tina, but I think she has a very respectable score and she only got one question completely wrong – and only by half an inch at that. I’m not sure how much having Tina and Susan sat opposite helped or hindered her performance, but it certainly made it fun – for me at least.

The ABM Fans scores are as follow:

Generosa Litton – 3.5/10
1. It’s Dickens. The name of the book…she doesn’t talk about the book, it’s the author. It’s Dickens. X
2. I used to know this. Alexis Slade. No…Stevenson. No. X
3. Two. X
4. Obama…yes we can? X
5. M. It begins with M right? X
6. 50 Cent was one, and Nas. √ Correct.
7. She promises to finish school, get a job so she can support her. And graduate. She promises to graduate. √ Correct. Half a point.
8. Dispatcher and a telemarketer. The barista wasn’t one of them. √ Correct. Half a point.
9. It’s probably Rachel Cantu. √ Correct. Half a point.
10. She’s almost five feet. Barely. She wears those heels. √ Correct.

Shiran Farbman – 3/10

9. X

4. Cool question A drawing of Barack Obama I loved it. X

8. Private detective (will be so cool) and cab driver I think. √ Correct.

9. One of my favourites of ABM music Rachel Cantu – ‘We are the Rebels’ √ Correct.